Freedom… it ain’t so free.
I’ve been fighting for freedom my whole adult life: from a controlling father (great intentions, questionable methods) to US immigration system that’s hell-bent on deporting you to “daddy issues” to work environments that depress, most of my time was spent on gaining freedom. Freedom to make own decisions, to shape my personality instead of inheriting it, to do what I love and whom I love, to have time to create and delight, to not worry about having to leave the country I call home – the US of A. This fight clinically depressed me, exhausted me, and I’d say reduced my IQ by at least 20-30 points. But at the end of last year I saw the light at the end of the tunnel, and on this Independence Day I celebrate it getting brighter and brighter, despite the thick haze still surrounding it.
This year is my year to step the fuck up. Here’s what happened recently and what’s coming up!
San Francisco… just… WOW. I can’t put it any other way. Moving here was the best decision I ever made in my life. The only thing I miss is my best friend Sebastian and I hope he moves here as soon as he’s done with his obligations in Nashville, TN.
On Thursday, June 26 of 2014, I had a LASIK surgery performed on my eyes. A week later, I have near 20/20 vision and barely remember what it was like to not see perfectly. It’s amazing. This July 4th I celebrate my independence from glasses and contact lenses!
I quit Substantial 3 days ago. They are awesome people and a very capable company, but as far as software engineering goes my only passion now is iOS. So I got an even awesomer [sic] job where I’ll do iOS development all day, every day. I want to get great at it, and I want to have fun doing it. A raise to finally get my salary back to the level I had in Nashville, and a small chance of getting a windfall in case of the startup succeeding don’t hurt either. This does mean I have to restart my green card process once again… but YOLO.
Yes, I love sex – doing it, watching it, shooting it. I don’t understand how something so natural, so instinctive, and so necessary to our happiness and survival gets so abused, oppressed, and disrespected in most cultures, religions, and communities around the world and even this country. Sex is life, literally. The human body is a work of art. For a few years I’ve been deliberating learning photography and shooting nudes. It starts this summer. I look forward to meeting beautiful women and exploring my creative side. I couldn’t be more excited!
No More Hiding
I am not a gay or bisexual person. But I am a simultaneously monogamous and polyamorous person. There have been girls that floored me so much, I wanted nothing and no one else (although I wouldn’t say no if she invited other girl(s) to join us for sex). At the same time, I can’t escape the overwhelming feeling that I can, in fact, be in love with two girls at the same time. It’s a very specific, real feeling; for example, three girls is a no-go. I don’t expect most people to understand this. But I also don’t feel like explaining myself or hiding this part of me anymore. This just is, and it’s as real as any other part of me. I am OK with it.
It’s funny how your world changes when you stop hiding. I already met a girl who not only understands, but is similar. If you go to OK Cupid, for example, and search for “poly”, you’ll find that there’s a slice of population that feels the same way. And, like me, they have trouble finding similarly minded people. Poly isn’t about sex and orgies; poly is about removing all jealousy, insecurities, and various cultural restrictions to the point where you feel nothing but purity toward another person. It’s an incredible level of trust; come anything, you won’t betray it. It’s so, so beautiful.
Building Things: Coffee Machine, Apps for Blind/Deaf, Robotics
This year is the year to build – cool iOS applications, an expanded circle of friends, a photo portfolio… but also stuff with Arduino and Raspberry Pi. I don’t know the latter yet, but I want to learn. I have ideas, such as a badass and affordable (read, mass-market) coffee machine. Keurig is cool and all, but omg can we do better than that! I have the next 2-3 weeks all to myself, so I’ll buy some basic components and get the ball rolling.
I’ve been working hard in the last month to meet new people. I used to be an ass people didn’t want to hang out with. But despite my rough edges, at heart I always loved people. There’s nothing I want more than to find people I can trust, love, and share an innocent connection with, people who won’t fuck you over for something as unimportant as money, power, or ego. If you are in the same camp – send me a tweet. :)
Like this wise man points out, you can’t be truly free if you judge people.
Someone please sell me a ticket! :D Do you want me to beg? I’ll beg. I just know it will be a life-changing experience. Can’t wait!
Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta. Happy Independence Day!